Looking Back at Mistakes and disappointment

My friend Deiana posted a quote from Mark Twain that caused me some immediate thoughts. I was going to just make a comment about looking back but one comment became two and then they grew too quickly and had to become this post. The quote was:

"Тwenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain

My first reaction to that thought was that it was curious how when I looked back that many of the things that I remember with joy, fondness, down right laughter, were things that were accidents, mistakes and at the time painful experiences.

When I was a much younger man I would take my family camping. I desperately wanted to be their hero and planned many things to prove to them I was. Many of the planned things backfired but some didn't. However it was in the unplanned situations I found myself having to be the hero and I was. But not only did I become the hero, those are the situations that we remember with the greatest fondness and have the deepest humor. This story is about one of those time.

We were camping in the mountains in northern California. We heard about a lake nearby and decided to pack an evening dinner and go fishing. The plan was that we would watch the time and get back in plenty of time. We found the place to park and the trail head to the lake and started up the trail. At one point the trail we followed took us by a lodge that we had eaten at and then went on to the lake where we were to enjoy the evening. While my family walked along and chattered about the birds and the trees and flowers, I watched the trail. They hoped to see deer and other animals and I concentrated on landmarks so that we could get back because the trail twisted and turned and intersected with other trails. I remembered boulders by the trail and broken branches on trees. I tried to remember the twists and turns.

Because it was summer the sun stayed up late but we left the little lake with plenty of time because the sunlight would quickly become lost in the shadow of the trees. I began to direct my family home. I was the guide and I thought I knew the trail. As you may have already suspected, I missed a turn or something, misread a landmark or went the wrong way when the trails intersected and we began to go around in circles. Even by this time in our marriage, my dear wife would explain to the children, "shush children, we are just on adventure." They were quieted by her words but for me is painfully meant, "Shush children, Daddy is trying to figure out this mess we are in." Now let me be very clear, that is not what she meant at all but that was the way I made it. No because of anything she said because of my own ill conceived perception of myself.

I was the guide but now all the things that I thought were so different to guide the way began to blend. What I thought was a peculiar little tree or an odd looking rock turned out to look like every other tree and rock along the trail. Then we began to see the same tree or rock and I looked down ahead of where we were walking and saw little tennis shoe prints in the dust of the trail. Then i noticed the markings of my own boots. I realized we were going in circles and so I took a fork at the next trail intersection. Suddenly we broke in to the clearing of the little lodge. Yay, we were safe! But our car was still about a half a mile away and we were not out of the woods yet. (The pun WAS intended!).

Now our choices were to walk along the two way road which would be OVER a half a mile or take a trail back into the woods. There was a fellow at the lodge that said it would be a straight trail and it would be LESS than a half a mile. Throw into the choice that the sun is almost gone. The trail was also supposed to follow the road. We had no flashlight but we decided to go the shorter trail, walk quickly, and get to our destination. (Sounds like a sin illustration coming on... but I will leave that to you to see). So we plunged back into the forest and quickly, into the darkness as well. For some time we did walk along the road but then the road went one way and we went the other. It was high above us and seemed impossible to climb to so we were committed to going forward. We had gone to far and it was too dark to go back. Boy, now we were really having an adventure. Finally we came to a place where we could see the road, again. It was still high above us but the fear that the darkness brought, tripping over things and the unknown things lurking about in the darkness caused us to scramble up the hill. After climbing and sliding back and climbing again we finally found our way to the higher road. We had wasted time and had experienced fear but now we were safe. Even though the sun had gone down we could now see clearly to walk. We checked everyone for scratches and bruises and continued on to the car. After what seemed like forever we came to the parking lot. There was our car, sitting all alone, and my son CJ went running up to it and kissed the bumper and said, We are saved! I'm so glad to see you, car!"

We were tired and we had been afraid, I had many personal feelings because of what I felt I had put my family through but when we all stood there at the car we all felt a sense of accomplishment. We had overcome our adversities. We had conquered the forest, well almost. At least we escaped from it.

We now look back at that time with a fondness, joy, humor and a place of growth. Each of us grew that night in our own way. I grew in humility and yet also in determination to learn to take better care of my family. My wife grew in her ability to lift me up at a time when she could have easily torn me down. She learned to encourage and even trust me though all the outward signs said, scream your head off and cry! My children learned to be brave and to submit and to trust. And we all grew in prayer! The mistake actually turned out to be the best memory of the trip. That was over twenty years ago.

We could have missed so very much together had we allowed that to be our last "adventure". It wasn't, but that will be for another time.We could have played things safe and never done that kind of thing again but we would have missed a lot. But as a I look back at that event and the things connected to it, I am not disappointed. But I am disappointed by the things that are not there to look back at, laugh at and remember because we never did them. I don't remember anything that we ever did that disappointed us. We have never been disappointed in the adventures we have taken or the adventures that have happened. Some have been better than others but they all have memories connected to them we would never give up. My wife has come to say that life is a journey but it is also a great adventure. Don't miss it by being afraid you will be disappointed.

As Mr. Twain pointed out you will be more disappointed by what you did not do than what you did.

I would rather do something and say, "Eh, it was not so good," than to say, "Gee,I don't know, I missed my opportunity to find out."

Get out of the harbor. It will always be there when you get back. go on an adventure. Don't fear the storms, enjoy them, Sail cautiously when you must but when you can, open you sails and let the wind blow. Even your shipwrecks will become part of the grand adventure...maybe even the best part.